So I could say that I haven't written in awhile because I didn't have internet. I could say that I moved house a couple weeks ago and I couldn't find my power cord. I could say that I have been crazy busy and just haven't had time. I could say that my guinea pig ate my homework.
I could say all of those things- and they'd ALL be true (well maybe the last was a stretch). However, I think my lack of communication more has to do with what moving/change does to your phyche. It breeds insecurity which breeds all kinds of nonsense.
I am not an insecure person. At least, not on a regular basis. But change may be the reason that I have had little to say that I can actually articulate. Normally, an out-going person like myself can just lay it all out there. Well, I may be the exception. I clam up. I clam up to the point that I don't even know what is wrong.
The source of my clam-up was insecurity. For the record, I am very annoyed with my insecurity. In fact, as I write this I am annoyed speaking about it. I don't like recognizing that it exists because it makes it feel like I am at the mercy of my emotions and I don't like to be at the mercy of anything but God himself.
But there it is. And it got me. It had me saying to myself that I have nothing to offer. It told me that I have no real future. It got me believing that everything I have done means nothing and never did.
SO ANNOYING. SO WRONG. STOP THE NONSENSE!
So i am back. stay tuned.
